Kudos to the Burnaby board of education for unanimously supporting a controversial policy designed to protect lesbian, gay, transgender, bisexual and questioning youth from harassment. Many parents have complained they were not consulted and opposed the creation of a special policy for one group of students. They also objected to a section in the policy that instructs teachers to embed LGTBQ issues into the curriculum. According to the parents this can result in discrimination against children from religious and traditional families. Many of the 30 LGTBQ youth (ages13-18) who get together at the Youth Resource Centre every Thursday in Abbotsford come from religious and traditional families. They hang out for three hours with like-minded people, sometimes sharing stories, planning activities, sometimes learning to cook at the community kitchen and other times just having fun being themselves. There is a special acceptance and support at this drop-in group run by the Fraser Valley Youth Society. An acceptance that they can’t take for granted elsewhere. In one youth’s words, they can “be made to feel like crap” even in places where are they are supposed to be safest, like their own home and school. Some have been told by their parents that they will go to hell unless they change their sexuality. “Trying to tell my dad was the hardest thing to do. He denied it and made me feel horrible,” one youth revealed. “My family refuses to recognize me as a member of our family any more,” another said. “I still live with them, but they are so rude to me and my girlfriend.” One South Asian youth never wants to share that he is gay with his family, not only because of reprisals but also because he doesn’t want to hurt them. He is ready to lead a dual life. The lack of acceptance and misconceptions isn’t limited to their homes. One gay youth was told at school that he could not come into the locker-room until all the other guys were finished changing. After that, he just skipped the gym class most of the time. Another youth had to leave his school because of harassment. “I kept getting notes shoved in my locker that said ‘you’re a fag’ and ‘homo’,” he recounted. “I lost a lot of friends because of coming out and having to change schools.” One girl decided to go back in the closet after coming out to her friends. “I told them I was just joking about being a lesbian because they told me that I was evil and falling into Satan’s traps.” These youth strongly believe there should be more workshops for teachers, parents and children to become more educated about gay issues and the unique challenges they face. People just don’t understand, they said, and don’t realize that their misconceptions a read ding to the youths’ pain. “When I came out, a lot of my friends stopped talking to me because they assumed that I would want to have sex with them, just because we are the same gender,” one youth said. “A straight person getting hit on by a gay person is not something that people should be afraid of. If you are not interested in someone, you can politely reject them instead of harassing them.” What most shocks these kids is that people choose to hate them or judge them on the basis of religion. “What other group of people is judged so harshly or told that they are wrong based on religion?” one asked. It is not all doom and gloom, however. Some of the youth have highly supportive families, which adds to their sense of self-confidence. Others have had experiences where bystanders went to their aid in the face of slurs and fights. That has made them feel stronger. They all love the drop-in centre. This is where they can be themselves and be open about who they are. They don’t feel intimidated and feel accepted by friends and even people they may not know without shame or apology. “It’s a release from gay slurs and anti-gay language and we don’t feel so alone any more,” one said. That is what they would wish for in their own homes, schools and communities, and that is what they deserve.
